David G. Jensen, Founder and Managing Director of CTI Executive Search12.19.22
You’re on the hot seat in this difficult relationship.
The bad boss…we’ve all had one. But is there anything that one can do about it, other than gripe to coworkers? I believe there is, and that’s the topic for this month’s column. Some of what I’ll discuss may feel very real and current, and if so, I’m sorry to hear that you are in this situation. But it’s not hopeless. In fact, in some scenarios it may give you the incentive you need to make very serious forward progress in your career.
When you have a bad boss, the responsibilities shift. He or she may not have any inclination to support and nourish the relationship. Instead, it is you who is in control of how the connection plays out. You must adapt, and if you don’t, there will always be friction.
Bad bosses come in a variety of types. There are some general thoughts that I have on how to best adapt and make your day a little easier; keeping these in mind will help you some of the time, but not always.
We’ve all been taught the Golden Rule—“treat others as you would like to be treated.” Well, in the communication department, your boss is not going to be using the Golden Rule, and in fact you’ll need to flip that rule around to suit the situation. Instead, it becomes “Treat this person the way that they want to be treated.” If you enjoy a pleasant meeting with some ice breakers and easy conversation first, that may not be the way you deal with your boss. Give that person the honor of treating them exactly the way they want.
One aspect of communication that can be a constant with the bad boss is the fact that he will use the information gap between you as a power reinforcer. In other words, you might get the request to take a certain action, but without the “why” or the big picture of the company/department goals beyond that request. This can be incredibly frustrating, and you may not be able to change this. Keeping the big picture to themselves and holding back information is one of the trademark power grabs of the bad boss.
The best approach for getting more information about mystery requests is to come up with a set of good, clarifying questions. Be sure that your comments aren’t presented as “feedback” or gripes.
Instead, you’re going into that conversation to get a specific set of requests accomplished. There’s a list of resources you’ll need to accomplish the mission, there are certain action steps that you’ll need to get approval on, and so on. And during that conversation (if it is timed on a no-stress day) your boss may open up and provide the needed big picture. That’s about all you can do to ease the information flow a bit.
That’s a risky move, however. You’ve got to really know something about their track record in dealing with these kinds of issues. Do you know anyone who successfully got moved out of the department by taking this route? It could also put your job in jeopardy quite easily… I remember one friend telling me about the “confidential” conversation he had with human resources, which was followed by an invitation sent to both he and his boss to sit down together and discuss it with the head of HR. It wasn’t a pleasant experience!
If you feel it’s time to “escape” that bad boss, your options will likely include both internal and external moves. Of course, it’s easier to find a way to solve the problem without leaving the company, and the best way to do this is to leverage your internal networking. If you play tennis with another department supervisor, why not broach the subject informally? Sure, it could be a completely lateral move, but it would refresh your views on work and it would be like hitting the restart button. But whatever you do, don’t reference the bad boss issues… If your boss’s reputation is as bad as you suspect, the other team leader will know it and it won’t come up.
If this prospective boss doesn’t have a clue about how bad it is to work for your supervisor, you’ll be faced with some questions that try to shed light on the “why” of your interest in a move. The best approach for this is just to state that your communication styles are so different that there is occasional difficulty—nothing major—but it has taken a bit of fun out of your work day. Tell him or her quite openly that you are hoping to get out of what feels like a bit of a rut, and that your skill base could use the transition to some new responsibilities.
Jumping into the job market is OK and expected, but there will be some aspects of this that you must think about before you dive in. One of those is just how you’ll be perceived when the prospective employer wants to check references, as most companies will do. You’ve worked for a bad boss, and one trait of a bad boss is that they don’t like it when people announce their departure. He or she will not wish you well. Instead, they may level some negative feedback on you to those who are looking for a reference. Worse will be the frank conversations that your boss might have with old cronies, those staff at the prospective employer who call around doing informal references, or what headhunters call “back door references.” I hate it when those occur, but they go on every day.
The best approach is to spend some time in advance of your job search ensuring that you’ve got solid references lined up from people who can say good things about your abilities even though they were not your supervisor. Your boss’s boss, for example, or a retired former senior staff member or even other members of your team who faced some of these same “bad boss issues.” Understand how you’ll be positioned in these reference calls, and when talking to the new employer make sure that you give them at least a preliminary overview of the situation. Don’t be negative or say anything nasty about the company or your boss! Instead, just paint it as a communication difference or a personality conflict. Allow your references to talk about that bad boss to those reference callers.
David G. Jensen
Founder and Managing Director of CTI Executive Search
davejensen@careertrax.com
928-274-2266
www.careertrax.com
David Jensen is the founder and managing director of CTI Executive Search, a unit of CareerTrax Inc, a leading search firm working in the life sciences. Previously, he had been a managing director at Kincannon & Reed, a 30-year retained executive search firm where his company, CareerTrax, had been a contractor. In 1985, Jensen founded and was CEO at Search Masters International (SMI), a top executive search practice working with biotechnology companies, which was sold in 2001 to a $4.4B human resources service firm. Prior to 1985, Jensen had established a life sciences practice for Govig and Associates (Phoenix, AZ).
The bad boss…we’ve all had one. But is there anything that one can do about it, other than gripe to coworkers? I believe there is, and that’s the topic for this month’s column. Some of what I’ll discuss may feel very real and current, and if so, I’m sorry to hear that you are in this situation. But it’s not hopeless. In fact, in some scenarios it may give you the incentive you need to make very serious forward progress in your career.
A Unique Relationship
In any work relationship, you must get along with everyone you deal with on a daily basis—except there’s a very big difference in the case of your boss. If it’s a co-worker, a project manager or someone from another team, the responsibility for the relationship lies in both parties’ hands and there must be mutual cooperation for it to work. That is not the case with your supervisor.When you have a bad boss, the responsibilities shift. He or she may not have any inclination to support and nourish the relationship. Instead, it is you who is in control of how the connection plays out. You must adapt, and if you don’t, there will always be friction.
Bad bosses come in a variety of types. There are some general thoughts that I have on how to best adapt and make your day a little easier; keeping these in mind will help you some of the time, but not always.
Strategies for Success
The first area where the bad boss can frustrate lies in the communication challenges. Think about the way that he or she likes to communicate… Is this a person who wants it all in a nutshell, perhaps a short conversation with a solution already worked out? Or does she most appreciate a clear explanation, with lots of detail, and room for the two of you to decide on the next step? If it’s a really bad boss, she wants to make the decision for you.We’ve all been taught the Golden Rule—“treat others as you would like to be treated.” Well, in the communication department, your boss is not going to be using the Golden Rule, and in fact you’ll need to flip that rule around to suit the situation. Instead, it becomes “Treat this person the way that they want to be treated.” If you enjoy a pleasant meeting with some ice breakers and easy conversation first, that may not be the way you deal with your boss. Give that person the honor of treating them exactly the way they want.
One aspect of communication that can be a constant with the bad boss is the fact that he will use the information gap between you as a power reinforcer. In other words, you might get the request to take a certain action, but without the “why” or the big picture of the company/department goals beyond that request. This can be incredibly frustrating, and you may not be able to change this. Keeping the big picture to themselves and holding back information is one of the trademark power grabs of the bad boss.
The best approach for getting more information about mystery requests is to come up with a set of good, clarifying questions. Be sure that your comments aren’t presented as “feedback” or gripes.
Instead, you’re going into that conversation to get a specific set of requests accomplished. There’s a list of resources you’ll need to accomplish the mission, there are certain action steps that you’ll need to get approval on, and so on. And during that conversation (if it is timed on a no-stress day) your boss may open up and provide the needed big picture. That’s about all you can do to ease the information flow a bit.
Escaping the Bad Boss
For an employer, the most damaging type of bad boss is the sort of supervisor who consistently promotes the wrong person. Perhaps your boss loves to have the “Yes Person” cozying up to her, and this guy gets all the praise and promotion. That’s a terrible feeling, and it can lead to complete dysfunction in the department. After a time, you may feel that you’ve got to do something about it, so your first inclination is to have a sit-down with the HR director.That’s a risky move, however. You’ve got to really know something about their track record in dealing with these kinds of issues. Do you know anyone who successfully got moved out of the department by taking this route? It could also put your job in jeopardy quite easily… I remember one friend telling me about the “confidential” conversation he had with human resources, which was followed by an invitation sent to both he and his boss to sit down together and discuss it with the head of HR. It wasn’t a pleasant experience!
If you feel it’s time to “escape” that bad boss, your options will likely include both internal and external moves. Of course, it’s easier to find a way to solve the problem without leaving the company, and the best way to do this is to leverage your internal networking. If you play tennis with another department supervisor, why not broach the subject informally? Sure, it could be a completely lateral move, but it would refresh your views on work and it would be like hitting the restart button. But whatever you do, don’t reference the bad boss issues… If your boss’s reputation is as bad as you suspect, the other team leader will know it and it won’t come up.
If this prospective boss doesn’t have a clue about how bad it is to work for your supervisor, you’ll be faced with some questions that try to shed light on the “why” of your interest in a move. The best approach for this is just to state that your communication styles are so different that there is occasional difficulty—nothing major—but it has taken a bit of fun out of your work day. Tell him or her quite openly that you are hoping to get out of what feels like a bit of a rut, and that your skill base could use the transition to some new responsibilities.
Look Outside
At some point, whether it is months or years into the relationship with the bad boss, most people are going to consider looking for a new job outside the company. Perhaps you feel totally exhausted at the end of the day, both physically as well as mentally. If that’s the case, then it may be time to consider a switch.Jumping into the job market is OK and expected, but there will be some aspects of this that you must think about before you dive in. One of those is just how you’ll be perceived when the prospective employer wants to check references, as most companies will do. You’ve worked for a bad boss, and one trait of a bad boss is that they don’t like it when people announce their departure. He or she will not wish you well. Instead, they may level some negative feedback on you to those who are looking for a reference. Worse will be the frank conversations that your boss might have with old cronies, those staff at the prospective employer who call around doing informal references, or what headhunters call “back door references.” I hate it when those occur, but they go on every day.
The best approach is to spend some time in advance of your job search ensuring that you’ve got solid references lined up from people who can say good things about your abilities even though they were not your supervisor. Your boss’s boss, for example, or a retired former senior staff member or even other members of your team who faced some of these same “bad boss issues.” Understand how you’ll be positioned in these reference calls, and when talking to the new employer make sure that you give them at least a preliminary overview of the situation. Don’t be negative or say anything nasty about the company or your boss! Instead, just paint it as a communication difference or a personality conflict. Allow your references to talk about that bad boss to those reference callers.
The Stepping Stone to a Better Job
As I mentioned in my introduction to the topic, this bad boss could be the impetus for you to make a good career move, with the lessons learned adding to your value in the next organization. In each case where I’ve had bad bosses (two of them now), I made a strategic career move that ended up positioning me far better. One was internal, and the other to a new company. But in both cases, six months later I thanked that bad boss for giving me an incentive that I may not have taken without him or her.David G. Jensen
Founder and Managing Director of CTI Executive Search
davejensen@careertrax.com
928-274-2266
www.careertrax.com
David Jensen is the founder and managing director of CTI Executive Search, a unit of CareerTrax Inc, a leading search firm working in the life sciences. Previously, he had been a managing director at Kincannon & Reed, a 30-year retained executive search firm where his company, CareerTrax, had been a contractor. In 1985, Jensen founded and was CEO at Search Masters International (SMI), a top executive search practice working with biotechnology companies, which was sold in 2001 to a $4.4B human resources service firm. Prior to 1985, Jensen had established a life sciences practice for Govig and Associates (Phoenix, AZ).